Things Customers Do That I Think Are Funny

I've worked for two years for the same retail store. In all my vast experience with it, these are the things that I think are funny and/or stupid that customers say/do.

1. "Well, then can you order it?"
So often a person will call and want to know if we have this particular item. After searching our store intranet (system), I tell them no that we don't carry it. And ALWAYS comes the next question, "Well, then can you order it?" I don't know if maybe this seems like a legitimate question to you, but even before I worked retail, I would have known that you can't order something that you don't even carry. Which that is always my reply to them and for some reason, people just don't understand that.

2. "I left my coupons at home. Can I use one of yours?"
Our store doesn't have free coupons for everyone to use when they come into our store. If we did, we'd lose money. Always there are people who say they don't have theirs and can they use one of ours. Which we do have some that people who have brought their coupons have used and that we throw away after. But if we pull those out and let someone else use them, I can lose my job. So always this is my reply, "We don't keep coupons here for people to use because we mail them out and we also e-mail them. If you're able to bring them up on your phone though, I can take the code from there." And 9 times out of 10, the person will say, "Oh, well that's okay," or they will ask if they come back with their receipt and coupons can they get the money back. Which we aren't allowed to do and people get mad once I tell them that and once again I'll tell them to bring it up on their phone they'll still say oh that's okay. Really? Well, clearly your money isn't that important to you if you're too lazy to bring it up on your phone. I just think it's funny that they want to get mad but that they aren't willing to do anything they can about it.

3. The "I saw this in your store five years ago and it had a white cover and a guy on the front of the book. Do you know what that is?"
-_- Firstly, most stores do not carry merchandise that they used to carry five years ago, ours included. Secondly, how am I supposed to know what you're talking about? There are hundereds of books in the store. If you can't give a title or author, you're not going to get an answer. And most of the people who do this one are repeat offenders. If you are one of these people, just know that when you walk into the store, all the employees cringe when they see you.

4. Trying to get checked out at the register that I am counting money at.
I really don't get this one. Out of my two years there, only ONCE has a customer realized that they can't get checked out at my register because it is CLOSED. I really, really don't understand how anybody who has a brain would walk up to a register where money is being counted and think that they can get checked out. It just doesn't make any sense.

So there are four things that people frequently do at my job that I think are funny. I decided this would be better to do than a list of things customers do that annoy me. Because I can't even begin to count all of those. This was easier.

I Hate Retail Christmas

As we all grow up, Christmas starts to lose the magic it used to hold. Santa Claus goes away. The favorite childhood movies like Santa Claus Is Coming to Town or Frosty the Snowman or The Little Drummer Boy normally get put away. And Christmas becomes another day in the year with a few extra special things to it.

I love Christmas. It's my favorite holiday. But honestly I just don't get into it as much anymore.

By the time high school rolled around, Christmas became a survival point. Survive the finals and then get to Christmas break. Now in college it's the same thing but with one more added bonus: Retail Christmas.

Retail Christmas
noun
1. The portion of Christmas that a selection of individuals must experience every year who have a job
in the retail world for several hours a day.
AKA the worst time of the year that includes annoying customers, needy customers, rude customers, arguing customers, stupid customers, children running around because parents don't care to control their children, children opening product because of the aformentioned parents not controlling their children, screaming and crying children. Can also include crashing systems on registers, multiple levels of identity theft and shoplifting, and finally the wielding of the all important coupons. (Although this last portion happens all the time. Especially the coupons.)
(And, yes, I wrote that definition.)

I realize that Retail Christmas isn't fun for people all around basically. For the customers it's a lot of waiting in line, waiting to get your questions answered, waiting to return items that didn't work out/you changed your mind on. But for the workers it's all of the above mentioned in the definition of Retail Christmas.

People are all about me, me, me and that they want what they want right this moment. Well tough luck. People just drive me nuts during Retail Christmas. They get even more impatient that they have to wait in line (ooh, big shocker. It's Christmas season and I can't believe you have to wait in line! How terrible!). They get more needy (aka lazy) and don't even bother looking around for what they want before asking for a sales associate to go get it for them. They feel like they need to make comments to the cashier about how long they had to wait or whatever other detail they think they need to say something about (guess what? The cashier/sales associate honestly doesn't give a crap. Take it up with corporate.) They hold up lines going to get just one more item because they forgot it even though they just stood in line for over 10 minutes. They hold up the line by digging in their purses/wallets for five minutes looking for their coupons even though they just waited in aforementioned line and therefore irritate everyone behind them because they are lazy/incompetent/just plain stupid and don't think to get their coupons out. And--my absolute favorite--the amazing anger that comes when they forget their coupons and we don't have any to give them. I mean, really? How dare we not have coupons for them! We are such a terrible store and such terrible people because we don't have coupons for them! I have a cut-cut view in life which basically means I have zero empathy. I was just not born with this gift. So when someone forgets their coupons or whatever other reason they have for not having it, I. Don't. Care. I don't feel bad for our store policy of not having coupons there for people to use. You forgot your coupon. You lost your coupon. It. Is. Your. Fault. Simple as that. Don't get mad at me. Get mad at yourself for your own stupidity. And I feel the same way about myself in case you were wondering. If I forget my Ulta coupon or whatever (which I never do because it irritates me so much at my own job when people whine about forgetting their coupons), oh well. That's my fault. I have to pay a little more. Big freaking whoop. Life shouldn't be about trying to chew cashiers out for not giving you a discount.

Don't get me wrong. I am extremely thankful for the job that I have. I'm lucky to even have a job in this economy and in this world. Which is why I suffer through Retail Christmas every year.

My whole point is that I've experienced two Retail Christmases now. And basically Retail Christmas has ruined my Christmas spirit.

Because I am someone who is unable to retain my anger at people doing the same things and cocking the same attitudes for 8 hours every day until Christmas is over. That probably makes me pathetic in a way. I do get over it obviously. But Christmas does not hold the same magic it used to anymore. Retail Christmas has forever ruined it for me. Moral of the story, kids? Avoid Retail Christmas if you can. Just don't do it, k?

Don't Work With Your Friends...Or Your Friends' Moms

Haven't we all been there at some point? We've said "Yes" to someone because we didn't want to hurt their feelings even though we really didn't want to agree. Well, that's what happened to me.

This girl that I'm just causal friends with told her mom that I had said we had lost two people at the store I work at. Later, her mom asked me if it was okay for her to use me as a reference. I mean, what was I supposed to say? "No, because I really don't like you"? Of course, I said yes and (of course, grrr) my manger hired her.

Since that time almost a month ago, working there has turned into a deeper level of hell.

She's already annoying. She thinks she knows everything because she worked at a similar store before back in the Southeast part of the United States. But, the thing is: that store was independent. They could make whatever rules they wanted to. We're in a chain. We don't make our rules; corporate does.

Somehow she has yet to grasp MANY concepts. Or maybe it's just that she refuses to accept reality.

1. You CANNOTread/use the materials we sell during slow times at the store.
But apparently where she used to work, the manager encouraged them to do that during "down time" in order for them to become familiar with what they were selling. Well, sorry, but corporate is not paying you to sit on your butt and read.

2. You don't get to close the registers right away.
Especially since you've only been there a month and still have no idea what you're doing. For all we know, you could be a whackjob who steals money from the registers. I've been working there for over a year now and I've just now officially learned how to close the registers because she is now the low-man on the totem pole. For some reason, she believes that vacuuming and cleaning the bathrooms is beneath her and has refused to do it before. And then tonight she made a comment to me that she wouldn't need to clean if someone would just teach her how to close. So, I just told her, "Well, that's not going to happen until someone new comes along and you're not at the bottom of the ladder anymore. So, sorry, but that is not going to happen." She didn't say a word.

3. You CANNOT steal numbers and brag about telling certain coworkers off to other coworkers.
Like many other companies, our company requires that we meet certain sales goals. We're tracked on three seperate entities, sort of speak. We're tracked on two different materials we need to sell and one service that we provide. We're also tracked on membership cards and our e-mail capture. At the moment, she is above quite a few people at the store, mostly because she doesn't share. Among us, we typically share the items we're tracked on if we know that we're up in that area and who we're working with isn't. She doesn't. But then--get this--I'm ringing someone up and one of the items is something we can provide a service on and she makes this comment while standing their in front of the customer that she needs that service for the day to meet her numbers. First of all: she's already up 3% in that area. Second of all: I was not about to give the sell to her. Who does she think she is anyway? I felt like tellling her to get out of my face.
That same night, she was bragging to me about telling two of the guys I work with off about different things. I asked them both about it today. And, guess what? NEITHER OF THEM KNEW WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT! Now, I understand one of them not knowing. But both? Could she really be anymore of a drama queen and a liar?
Then tonight she was relating this story to me about something she saw on Facebook. I got on tonight to see if it was true and she twisted everything around and added a bunch of stuff.

So here is my decision: As soon as my manger gets back from his week vacation, I am asking for him to never have me work with her again if possible. And when he asks me why, I'll say it's because I don't like her. 

How's that sound?

I am someone who does not like confrontation. And she's one that ALWAYS wants confrontation. And she brags about putting this person and that person in their place. Well, I've got news for her: She DOES NOT want to get on my bad side. Because, yes, I fear confrontation. But when it happens, that person better watch out. Because I get mean. Really mean. And she better watch out because I could tear her apart with everything I know from her daughter. I know I sound dramatic, but the sad truth is, that's how I am. I get really, really mean. Ask anybody I know and they could tell you.

So the moral of the story, kids? DON'T WORK WITH YOUR FRIENDS!!! OR YOU FRIENDS' MOMS. Just don't do it, okay? No matter how much you know that they need the money. It is not worth it. Just trust me. Repeat after me: It. Is. Not. Worth. It. Good job.

Retail Hell

Today was just another normal day for me at the store. Lots of people everywhere purchasing things and asking questions. Lots of having to move around quickly and get things done. And the bright side of the day was I only got yelled at by two people in my four hour shift. One was over a return, and one was over a coupon.

Yeah, people really want to argue over coupons.

When I first got the job that I have been working at for nearly a year now, a lot of people were jealous of me. It's a small store where a lot of people I know, and a lot of people in general, apply. It has a more "homey" feel to it. And when you are a customer, it seems like it would be one of the best places in Vegas to work because of the atmosphere and the employees and the products.

But, like with anything you get into, once you're in the inside, it's a lot different.

Why are people so needy? That is one question I don't know if I'll ever get a real answer to. I don't know why, but for some reason, nearly every single person who walks into the store seems to not be able to look for things themselves. I wish I got paid by how many people ask me three questions, because I would make a lot more money than what I am actually paid:

1. Do you have this ____________ (fill in with any choice of CD/book/movie)?

2. I didn't bring my coupon. Can I use one of yours?

and the ever so popular

3. Where are your _____________ (fill in with a selection of kids items, videos, music, cards, etc.)?

I can't tell you how many times I am running a transaction and someone walks right into the store and instead of looking at the huge, coloful signs hanging from the ceilings that says where certain items are, they walk right up to the counter, hover over the person I am currently helping and making them feel uncomfortable, and stand there and try to stare me down until I ask them what they want. And then, inevitably, their question is simply "Where are your cards?" And I, once again have to say, "In that back right corner, under the yellow sign that says cards."

All stores or businesses have return policies. I mean, that's pretty much a duh thing. Then why is it that everyone always wants to argue with you over their transaction? My store's policy is that you have to have a receipt for it and return it within 90 days (as long as the item(s) is not clearance) otherwise you will receive a merchandise credit if it's been over 90 days or you don't have the receipt. Also the policy is that in whatever way you paid for it, that's how you will get the money back. For example, you paid with cash, you get cash back. You paid with a Visa, the money gets put back onto your Visa. So why do people want to argue with you when you say you won't give them cash? It drives me nuts.

So this older woman wanted to return a piece of wall art today. I asked her if she was going to be purchasing anything else and I explained to her that we could use the credit from her return towards another item if she liked and then she could pay the difference if it was more money than the original item or that if it was less she would have that money returned to her on her credit card. So first she wants to argue with me that she should receive cash instead. After explaining the policy to her, she says she'll go shop first. Then she decides to approach the register again when there are many people in line. I start to ring her up and realize that the receipt she has is not the right receipt. It is from our store but has different items on it. After I tell her that, she says she's going to look in her car because she knows it has to be in there. I start to ring somebody else up since there was a line and then she comes in and is mad that I did not wait for her to rummage through her car. Since she felt like my attention should've been on her anyway, she continues to ask me questions and I explain to her while ringing up my customer that she will have to receive a merchandise credit because she does not have a receipt for the item and that the policy is that I have to take 25% off of the item (people use so many coupons at the store that they made the policy like that because we wouldn't be able to know if they used a coupon originally or not). I guess it took her a few moments to realize what I said because then she says, "You mean, I'm only going to get 75% of the value of the picture back?!" in an accusatory tone. By now, I am sliding my guest's credit card and I said, "Yes. The return policy is that I must take 25% off." Her: "Well, that's stupid and ridiculous! I paid full price for it! Why should I only get 75% of the value back?!" Me: "Because you don't have your receipt, there is no way for me to see if you paid full price or if you used a coupon. When we give out merchandise credits, we have to automatically take 25% off because of this." Her: "That is absolutely ridiculous!" During this, the assistant manager had come up to take a register because of the long line of customers. Assistant Manager: "Ma'am, that's the store's policy. We can't change the rules." Her: "Well then just give me my picture back!" I suppressed my laugh and put her picture back in a bag and placed the wrong receipt she had brought into it and handed it back to her. Do people really think that taking their items back hurt our feelings?

I am not somebody who has much empathy for people. When it comes down to it, my brain always says, Well, it's their fault anyway. They have to deal with what's their own fault to start with. Not a very good thought process, I know, but I can't make myself have much empathy for people ever. (I don't for myself either, in case you're wondering. I don't agonize over what has happened to me if it resulted from something that was my own fault to being with.) As far as I'm concerned, it was her fault to start with that she brought the wrong receipt. All of this could have been avoided if she had simply paid attention to something as important as dealing with the return of money to her. Now, I don't know her life or anything. As far as I know, she could have been having a terrible day and just wasn't paying attention. But it really irritates me when people want to argue with me over store policies or for not giving them that coupon that they didn't bring when I don't have coupons on hand at the store anyway to give out, because, um, duh, we don't want to have to discount everything to everyone. Profit margin, people.

So, are you the person who thinks: Well, it is their own fault anyway or are you the person who thinks: We need to give everyone a break or are you a 50/50? Am I just a jerk for my thinking or am I right about some things? Let me know what you think.